Paris can do writing good!

Hey Y'all

Imagine my delight over the weekend, when it was revealed that everyone's favourite skank, Paris Hilton, had been sentenced to 45 days in the slammer for driving while disqualified. It seems the 'poor lass' was busted drink driving last year and lost her license for a total of three years but simply couldnt resist a late night urge to hoe-down on an In & Out burger and was busted again behind the wheel of her $300,000 Bentley.


According to various 'articles' I have read since the story came to light, Paris is claiming that she didnt realise that having her license disqualified meant she wasn't able to drive...... She told the judge she didnt realise her license had been suspended because she 'doesnt read her own mail'. She also fired and then re-hired her publicist who claimed in court that it was his fault she had been driving because he had given her 'erroneous advice'.

Oh I get it, she is a robot who can't think for herself....

Perhaps one can blame this mind-blowing revelation on the fact that her own mother is an absolute drop-kick. According to 'the Showbuzz', Kathy Hilton's antics in court were even more astounding than her daughters revelations that she is unable to think for herself. Apparently she laughed loudly in the courtroom as the prosecutor argued that jail time was appropriate and then unbelievably asked the Judge for his autograph as he was sentencing her daughter. Mrs Hilton later let it be known that she felt the whole thing was 'pathetic and disgusting', words I'm sure she is used to hearing in association with her daughter.

Of course, Paris intends on appealing the sentence claiming it is 'cruel and unwarranted' and in a move designed to apparently prove this point, she has agreed to appear on the front cover of the June edition of Harpers Bazaar. Ms Hilton will be wearing a Zebra printed prison robe and pictured running away from models dressed as policemen as a form of 'protest' against the sentence. (I wish I was joking....)

Oh yes, I can see how that would appeal to the Judicial Powers that be.....

But the madness doesnt end there. The most hilarious development yet is yesterday's entry on her blog entitled:

My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

Sure thing Paris, I'll 'sihn' your petition. Wait, what is it that I'm 'sihning' again?

Turns out, some fuckwitted fool by the name of 'Joshua' has created an 'nline' petition in which he asks the 'Govenator' Arnold Schwarzenegger to 'pardon' Paris for her 'mistake' because she 'provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives'.

"If the late former president Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon former president Richard Nixon after his mistake(s)," reads the appeal, "we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest mistake as well, and we expect that the governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request."

He then attempts to back up his ridiculous position by rattling off a list of celebrities who have also been busted drink driving but did not have to face jail time. Errrrr, newsflash for you 'Joshua', the celebrities you listed were busted drink driving yes, but they must have understood what it meant to have a disqualified license as they weren't seen driving again while suspended. If they had been, they too would have been locked up I imagine. Lucky, none of them were rich enough to have people who open their mail for them....

By far the most hilarious/disturbing aspect of this whole darn thing has been the comments left on Ms Hilton's blog. Sadly, there are about 8 billion messages of support along the lines of: 'omg!!!!! i loverz youse Piros you liek the most hawtest chick in the whole entire younamavurse dis sentence be whack yo' .

If only people would be as passionate about issues of actual importance to this world, maybe life wouldnt be such a struggle... (who am I kidding).

Thankfully, there are some classics out there who are not afraid to say what they really think and I have included some of the better comments for your reading pleasure. I also attempted to leave my mark on the blog, but couldn't because she is not 'my friend' and I'll be buggered if I'm adding that bitch to my friends list.

Choice cuts from people who actually dared to have Paris on their friends list:

Andria
the only thing I would sign for Paris would be a death warrant.The skank needs to own up, and face responsibility. "I had one margarita, and all I wanted was an In-N-Out burger"... Come on, Paris. Get real... and get ready to take it rough from Big Bertha in the slammer.

The Extreme Scene
You're nothing but a spoiled, no-talent bitch. Why should anyone sign that stupid petition? If you actually kept track of your own life, you'd know that DUIs and speeding with your lights off are reckless actions. You deserve to go to jail. And in addition to obviously being an attention-whore (and just a whore period), you're getting fat Paris. Hit the gym, you need it bad.

Sheriff Liz
Ha ha. You suck.

Lena
sihn?????learn how to fucking spell...you commited a crime, a DUI is not a
joke...you could've killed someone

MALISSA!
Quit whining, you janky whore!
Do they give spelling lessons in jail??

Michael™
hell no Bitch go to fucking jail!

Laura
I refuse to sign this, on account that Paris Hilton is a dirty whore.

and I just had to include this 'message of hope' from i support paris!!! because its just so damn funny/disturbing:

hey paris idont think that you should have to pay the cinsiquences for anything u do cause ur paris hilton and i Love ya lol i definetly sihned it!!!!! cause ur hott and well i have all 4 seasona of the simple life and i know this might make me sound like i am obsessed but i'm not i just like you because your great!!! i have liek 400 pics of u on my walls at my house i just think u are super because like u deel with al the poperotc all the time well just sending u my love ttyl and email me back and i am definetly ur biggest fan i did sign the potition!!!!!!

P.S. i have a bag of urs and all the perfumes and when is ur linecoming out and where can i buy it ♥ kayla ur BIGGEST FAN SERIOUSLY

Seriously Kayla.... Get a fucking life.

And to you Paris I say: Have you ever seen Oz??? bring on the shanking!!

;)

Peace out.

UPDATE: 10th May - 4:14pm

She has taken her dumbass blog down and released the following statement after a number of 'Anti-Paris' petitions started circulating the web......

"After reading the media's coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should -- no matter how slightly.I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation.No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse."

Hands up who's buying it?
Be sure to check out the link to her statement. There are some very funny comments at the bottom.....